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England v Pakistan - live! • Send your thoughts and whimsy to rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk• Follow it on the sly with our brilliant desktop pop-up scoreboard• Read why Mike Selvey would pick Monty in his Ashes squadINNINGS BREAK50th over: England 256-6 (Morgan 107, Bresnan 18) A wonderful last over for England brings 19 runs – and another breathtaking century from Eoin Morgan. Saeed Ajmal starts with three wides down the leg side, and then Morgan launches the next ball over long on for six! Alam got hands on it but he could only tip it on its way. The next delivery is full and spanked right back over Ajmal's head for four to bring up a glorious hundred from 97 balls. The hairs on the back of the neck are all over the place, and there's even a wee tear in the eye. Three twos from the remainder of the over take England up to 256, unimaginable riches earlier in the day. Shahid Afridi goes up to congratulate Morgan, a very nice touch, and he walks off to a standing ovation from both sets of fans. That is an innings of extraordinary quality: 107 from 101 balls against a brilliant and varied bowling attack. There's nothing left to say about him really, but there's plenty left to say about this match. Pakistan need 257 to take the match and the series. Mike Atherton reckons England are "marginal favourites". I have no idea who is going to win, but I can't wait to find out. See you in 20 minutes.49th over: England 237-6 (Morgan 91, Bresnan 18) There is another overthrow when Bresnan plays tip and run from the second ball and Alam fails to gather Afridi's shy at the stumps from cover. Morgan then fails to connect with a reverse lap at a slower delivery that just misses the off stump. This has been a fascinating contest between two of the world's very best one-day players, and Morgan responds by crunching a yorker down the ground for two and then crashing the next ball through the covers for three. That, crucially, allows him to keep the strike. "How about getting back to classic British detectives with Randall and Cupcake (Deceased)?" says Rich James.48th over: England 229-6 (Morgan 86, Bresnan 15) An eventful final over from Shoaib costs ten, which makes it 38 from the Powerplay. Shoaib screams in anguish as his second ball, full and wide of off stump, is scorched through the covers for four by Bresnan. Morgan gets a leading edge just short of point from the fourth ball, and would have been run out by a direct hit off the same delivery. As would Bresnan from the fifth, which goes for an overthrow when Umar Akmal's throw from mid off misses the stumps. Shoaib ends with figures of 10-0-40-3 and gets a very warm ovation. It's probably the last we'll see of him in this country, and he'll be sorely missed. "Dixon of Haddock Green," apologises Mike Selvey. "Now I really will get my coat."47th over: England 219-6 (Morgan 84, Bresnan 7) This is one of those games – not unlike the greatest 50-over match of them all, the 1999 semi-final – in which every single run feels precious. The penultimate over of the Powerplay, bowled by Umar Gul, brings 11 of them! First Morgan plays a staggering stroke, walking across his stumps and scooping a 92mph yorker off middle stump and over short fine leg for three; then, after a few singles, Bresnan stands tall and rifles the last delivery through extra cover for four. A hearty, uncomplicated clump. "Veronica Mars bar?" says Niall Larkin.46th over: England 208-6 (Morgan 79, Bresnan 1) Morgan shows how to deal with swinging low full tosses, pinging Shoaib wonderfully down the ground for four. "Genius at work!" coos Ramiz Raja. Thanks to that boundary, England get a respectable six from the over. "I did not eat cheese before bed last night but yet dreamed that alien space craft descended all over the earth and humans were compelled to play basketball to determine who was fit to live and who should did," says Marie Meyer. "So let's stop blaming cheese." Also, let's stop bracketing all cheeses together. Camembert makes one person have a Lynchian dream, and poor old Stilton gets victimised as a result. Next you'll be saying that all cheeses look the same!WICKET! England 202-6 (Wright b Akhtar 1) This is fast becoming a death-bowling masterclass from Pakistan. Shoaib returns to the attack and cleans Wright up second ball with a low full toss that swings in viciously and batters into the base of middle stump as Wright makes room. Marvellous bowling.45th over: England 202-5 (Morgan 74, Wright 1) Umar Gul has a huge LBW shout against Luke Wright first ball, but that was swinging down leg. Morgan is then beaten and has to dig out a yorker next ball. That was a sensational over, bringing just three runs and the wicket of Collingwood. "David Weston missed the important part of my argument," says Phil Sawyer. "If you've spent a night on the Defeat Compensators (which could be likely later on tonight) cheese is definitely fighting a losing battle against unconsciousness. Bad dreams don't stand a chance. It's the slowly returning bad memories the next morning that are the problem."WICKET! England 199-5 (Collingwood b Gul 47) Textbook death bowling from Umar Gul: fast, full, straight, and ramming into middle and leg when Collingwood, who had made room, misses an attempted slap through the off side. That's the end of Collingwood's two-part innings, a courageous and boundaryless 71-ball effort.44th over: England 199-4 (Collingwood 47, Morgan 74) Now England do take the Powerplay, and Afridi keeps himself on for his final over. It costs eight, which both sides will be fairly happy with. Morgan pulls the first ball contemptuously for a one-bounce four, but Afridi is such a wily bowler and drags the over back expertly. "(Spag)Hetty Wainthropp Investigates" offers Ben Daggers.43rd over: England 191-4 (Collingwood 45, Morgan 68) Umar Gul is on for Shoaib and will presumably bowl out from this end. Still no sign of England taking the Powerplay, so they continue in singles mode. Six of them in fact. "This aggression against Pakistan walnut stand!" says John McCaughey, moving this riff in a new and potentially even worse direction.42nd over: England 185-4 (Collingwood 42, Morgan 65) More excellent work from Afridi, who rattles through an over for just three. "I ate cheese before bed time last night," says Fiona Dunlop. "I dreamt I had a spot on my chin that I tried to get rid of. When I next looked in the mirror all of my skin had fallen away and I was left looking at the muscles - much like the Bodywork's exhibition…" That wasn't because of the cheese. Dreams like that are years of social failure in the making, or so my less metropolitan friends tell me.41st over: England 182-4 (Collingwood 41, Morgan 64) England are treating Shoaib with a lot of respect and, even though we are into the last 10 overs, they are content with four low-risk singles. This game is poised as exquisitely as Simon Adebisi's hat. "Miami Rice?" says Lee Burman. "Does that mean I can have Sonny Croquette?" Oh mercy.40th over: England 178-4 (Collingwood 38, Morgan 62) Afridi rips one past Collingwood's outside edge in another quickfire over that brings four singles. Somebody is going to have to blink very soon, probably England. "Cheese should not be eaten before bedtime," says David Weston. "Everyone knows that. It gives you dreams."39th over: England 174-4 (Collingwood 36, Morgan 60) Shoaib Akhtar (6-0-17-1) is being cattle-prodded into life. He bowled exceptionally this afternoon, but starts with a leg-side wide here. Morgan takes a very risky two off the pad later in the over – he would have been out with a direct hit – and there are five from the over. Collingwood still hasn't hit a boundary, you know? He has 36 from 52 balls, and 31 from 34 (I think) since his return to the crease. "Since we've branched into the American market... Miami Rice?" apologises Kirsty McHale.38th over: England 169-4 (Collingwood 35, Morgan 60) Ajmal continues. He has relatively anodyne today, and England take four low-risk singles in that over. This is a brilliant game of 50-over cricket, and it's not often you hear that phrase at the best of times, never mind on a Wednesday in late September. "Afternoon Rob (or is it evening? You've picked me up on this before)," says Phil Sawyer, debating whether to get out of bed. "Anyway, Richard Marsden obviously hasn't stumbled home late at night to find the only thing in the fridge is cheese. It's a meal then, I tell you. Unless it's Dairylea triangles. They are the Devil's work."37th over: England 165-4 (Collingwood 33, Morgan 57) Morgan reaches his fifty with a lovely back cut for four off Gul. He was dropped, sure, but this has been a seriously good innings under extreme pressure, at once serene and urgent. He gets his fifth boundary two balls later with a careful – and, as always, beautifully placed – hook stroke. "Does CHiPs count?" asks Mike Selvey. "No meal more ready than this? On the sweat riff, no cricketer in the game's history can have sweated more than DL Amiss. He wore my cap for part of his double hundred at the Oval and ruined it because the peak went all funny (and don't show that effing clip again just to show the cap!). Anyway, we called him Sacker because he looked like a sacker shit."36th over: England 156-4 (Collingwood 30, Morgan 49) Ajmal is on for Hafeez and these two batsmen – so good between the wicket – take five singles. That brings up a really good fifty partnership from only 54 balls, which is a fine effort given that it contains only one boundary. "Robert Wickes and Lori McConnachie - oh dear," says Richard Kemp. "This situation doesn't require jingoistic 'let's give em a hell of a beating' type of response. Pakistan in the field at full tilt is one of the most charismatic sporting viewing experiences. Also, I'm not sure Jonathan Trott has been acting with dignity all week. Don't associate the whole team and country with corrupt individuals and unsuitable administrators."35th over: England 151-4 (Collingwood 28, Morgan 47) Umar Gul charges in after the mandatory ball change, and Collingwood is incredibly lucky to survive a massive LBW shout. In fairness to the umpire Billy Doctrove, it looked and sounded like an inside edge, but in fact the two sounds were the ball hitting both pads. He was absolutely plumb. Six from the over, all in ones and twos. "Unbelievable: Elizabeth Lee gets backslaps for adding brackets?" says Peter Hill. "Back at you with Cagney & Jalfrezi. *plays saxophone*"34th over: England 145-4 (Collingwood 27, Morgan 42) A scintillating piece of placement from Morgan, who lashes Hafeez through extra cover for four, just wide of the man running round from long off. Brilliant batting, the highlight of an over that brings ten runs. "Of course not the whole country!" says Lori McConnachie. "I've been 100 per cent supportive of the Pakistan cricket team and willed them to win the game on Friday. I thought it would be good for their morale and good for Pakistan cricket. It isn't fair that the allegations tarnished the entire team. But the comments made over the last few days have been pointless and unnecessary."33rd over: England 135-4 (Collingwood 24, Morgan 37) Umar Gul, who has seven overs still to bowl, replaces Afridi. Five from the over, again all low-risk ones and twos. For a side who aren't hitting boundaries, England are playing this pretty well. But they can't go on like this for the remaining 17 overs. "Cheese? "says Richard Marsden. "A meal? Good grief." Obviously you're not a golfer.32nd over: England 130-4 (Collingwood 20, Morgan 36) I'd be tempted to give Shoaib two overs here, because one wicket would Pakistan well on top. But it's Hafeez to continue, and there are four from the over. "I'm with Robert Wickes here," says Lori McConnachie. "I think Afridi's comments about Trott combined with the High Commissioner's unwanted opinion on Butt's rantings pushed me to the point where I want us to batter Pakistan (in a non-violent sense, of course) and send them on their way to have a think about how they deal with situations. England have behaved with dignity throughout this turbulent series and over the last few days Pakistan have been kicking the boot in." What, all of them? The whole country? Can we say England have been kicking the boot in just because of Jonathan Trott's behaviour?31st over: England 126-4 (Collingwood 18, Morgan 34) Three twos to Collingwood in that Afridi over. This is extremely tense, and Afridi looks like he is loving every minute of it. "Wait I've got a better one," says Elizabeth Lee. "Magnum PI(E) - detective, ready meal and ice cream dessert." That's definitely better than the one in the fifth over.30th over: England 120-4 (Morgan 34, Collingwood 12) Eoin Morgan is dropped! He dragged Hafeez high towards long on, where the old man Mohammad Yousuf took a brilliant running catch over his shoulder. But his momentum was taking him over the rope, so he had to drop the ball. He saved six by doing so, but twisted his ankle pretty badly in the process and is now limping off. Morgan gets three runs, and a potentially crucial life.29th over: England 113-4 (Morgan 31, Collingwood 8) You suspect it will take an Act of Morgan – to tweak the lovely phrase that Simon Briggs used to describe Brian Lara's many epics – for England to win here. He is still largely in singles mode, and takes two of the four in that Afridi over. He has 31 from 40 balls; Collingwood has eight from 22. "Though only readers over 55 will remember this one," begins Don Wilson, promisingly, "how about 'no Hiding Plaice'?"28th over: England 109-4 (Morgan 29, Collingwood 6) And so, after a promising partnership of 47 in 12 overs, England must start again. Just three from Hafeez's over, and one of those was because of a misfield at midwicket. "KINDLY INFORM MARSDEN THAT THERE IS NO MEAL QUITE AS READY AS CHEESE, thunders me," thunders James Grant. I could have involved the police for that.27th over: England 106-4 (Morgan 27, Collingwood 5) Paul Collingwood is back, and England are one wicket from oblivion. "Move on?" sniffs Andrew McCormick. "But we haven't even tapped the American investigator market yet, such as Spotted Dick Tracy, Tango and Hash Brown (admittedly a film about detectives rather than a series, and not a particularly good one at that...), and Turner and Hooch (again, a movie, but I feel that it should be included just because you don't even need a name change! Even though it is a drink...)"WICKET! England 106-4 (Bell b Afridi 26) This is majestic bowling from Afridi. He worked Bell over throughout a superb over and then, from the final delivery, hurried one straight through and onto the stumps via inside edge and back pad. Wonderful, inspirational cricket from Afridi, who in the course of that over also beat the bat, had a strangled LBW shout (it was going down) and almost induced a return catch (it bounced just short).26th over: England 104-3 (Bell 26, Morgan 27) Morgan cuts Hafeez past backward point for four, despite a valiant effort from Shafiq on the fence. Morgan then lobs a couple down the ground, almost giving me a coronary in the process: it was a perfectly safe shot but you can never be sure when the camera jerks back and forth like a wino's guts. Eight from the over. "Rob, am I the only one out here who is desperate for us to stuff the living daylights out of these boys and send them home with nothing?" says Robert Wickes. "I take your point about Pakistan being phenomenal when they have this kind of momentum and you rightly reference the cornered tigers mentality. It's not that they are good in these situations, it's more that they are good a creating an 'everyone's against us' mentality by repeatedly behaving in a manner that breeds a dislike in many people. That's what they do best, they upset the broader cricketing community by behaving poorly and then they berate that community for pointing fingers and alienating them. You mentioned battle fever earlier: well I have it, and this is not the half of it!"25th over: England 96-3 (Bell 25, Morgan 20) Just three from that Afridi from that over. Pakistan are racing through their overs, the old Combined Universities trick, and we're at the halfway point. For England, 250 is still attainable, but Morgan is so important. "As the recognised bearer of 'a beaut' in this, teh Worst-Ever OBO Riff, can I just point out that James Grant is every bit as wrong as Luke Dealtry," says Richard Marsden. "Neither roquefort nor rock cakes consitute a ready meal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a life to find."24th over: England 93-3 (Bell 23, Morgan 19) Hafeez is back on for Ajmal, and England continue to milk singles: four from the over. Paul Collingwood is on the England balcony and looks a lot better. This match is deliciously poised. "Are the food jokes getting stale yet?" says Ben Carver. "If not, Dial B for Burger." Let's move on. The whole thing's been a disaster. It's not me, it's you.23rd over: England 89-3 (Bell 22, Morgan 16) Morgan is beaten by a fine googly from Afridi but otherwise it's another reasonable over for England, with five singles from it. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to take their chances with a total of 250, so they don't need to overreach and this accumulation is pretty sensible. "In response to John Kemp (20th over), no," says Lori McConnachie. "Surely it's Shoaib? He is one sweaty man in his fetching lime outfit."22nd over: England 84-3 (Bell 19, Morgan 14) Morgan reverse-sweeps Ajmal, but Gul at short third man dives to save the boundary. Still, six singles make that a decent over.21st over: England 78-3 (Bell 17, Morgan 10) Four from Afridi's over. This game needs a timeout; it's been manic stuff. "Luke Dealtry has got it all wrong (18th over)," says James Grant. "It should of course be The Roquefort Files. Happy to help."20th over: England 74-3 (Bell 16, Morgan 7) Ajmal beats Morgan outside off with some sharp spin. This is a used pitch and it's turning appreciably, which will please Graeme Swann but probably nobody else in the England team. Morgan then chips beautifully over extra cover for four, a shot of terrific placement. "Does Ian Bell sweat more than any other cricketer?" says John Kemp, launching the Guardian's new range of Dead Important Philosphical Questions.19th over: England 69-3 (Bell 15, Morgan 3) Shahid Afridi comes into the attack and has a big appeal for caught behind first ball. Bell pushed forward defensively, and the ball went down towards the floor and then back into the gloves of Ajmal. Pakistan thought it might have gone straight off the boot, but a quick referral to the third umpire showed it had clearly hit the ground. There is an even bigger shout for LBW second ball when Bell plays around the quicker one, but there was a definite inside edge. Still, that's a superb first over from Afridi, full of coiled menace. Just a single from it, and England have a massive problem here. "Mash Bridges," says Phil Smith. "Sorry." Not nearly as sorry as I am.18th over: England 68-3 (Bell 14, Morgan 3) Morgan pushes Ajmal into the off side to get off the mark from his fifth delivery, and then Bell is beaten by a doosra bowled from around the wicket. Billy Doctrove refers the stumping appeal just to be sure – he didn't refer one that was probably out in an earlier game – but there were no problems there. Four from the over and now Bell is talking to the physio. Can you catch migraines? Oh, apparently he has a groin strain and will need a runner. It could be Jonathan Trott, of all people! What a marvellous farce. This match needs a soundtrack. Ah, the runner will in fact be Steven Davies. "Hello Rob," says Luke Dealtry, before moving swiftly to business. "The Rockcake Files?"17th over: England 64-3 (Bell 13, Morgan 0) Bell pushes Gul sumptuously down the ground for four, but those are the only runs from the over. England need to find a way to limit the dot balls, which apart from Ajmal's first over have been plentiful in the last 45 minutes or so. "If you say Madras in a typically Taggart-esque Scotch accent a la Murder, you'll see Richard Marsden (6th over) has come up with a beaut there..." says Neil Taylor.16th over: England 60-3 (Bell 9, Morgan 0) One from Ajmal's over. Morgan usually takes 15-20 balls to play himself in, and today won't be any different. If he doesn't make a big score, it's hard to see England winning this. No pressure. "'Only Pakistan can do this, in any sport'," quotes Jonathan Brown. "Really? I'll see your 10 minutes of good bowling in the very early stages of an in-no-way-terribly-important-in-the-grand-scheme-of-world-sport limited-overs cricket match and raise you a France 43-31 New Zealand in the Rugby World Cup semi-final of 1999. Now, that was exhilarating, plus it will still be living in the memory of all who saw it when this non-entity of a match has long past faded." Yes, but Pakistan have been doing this consistently for as long as I can remember, and in games much bigger than this. Like a World Cup final. There is nothing comparable to watching them engulf a batting side with pure pace and mystery spin, because there is an anarchic edge to it that you do not get with, say, the French rugby team. They are the best loose cannons in the history of sport.England 59-3: Collingwood retired hurt 5 That's probably sensible, although it adds to the sense of chaos that is enveloping England. Here comes Eoin Morgan.15th over: England 59-3 (Bell 8, Collingwood 5) Bell times Gul off his pads for four, England's first boundary for six or seven overs. Collingwood is trying to widen his eyes and concentrate but I agree with Sir Ian Botham, who suggests he should come off and have a lie down under a cold towel for half an hour. England can't afford to waste balls, never mind overs. In other news, here's Lord Selvey. "See if you can dig out YouTube of 'the fastest single delivery Selve ever saw (or didn't as it was so fast)' i.e. Shoaib to Stephen Fleming in the 1999 World Cup semi-final at Old Trafford." Here it is. And this one wasn't bad either.14th over: England 54-3 (Bell 3, Collingwood 5) It gets even worse for England: now Saeed Ajmal is replacing Mohammad Hafeez. Collingwood late cuts his first ball for two to get off the mark, and that's the start of a good over for England that brings six runs. But Collingwood has a problem. He took painkillers at the end of the previous over, and now the physio is out. The Sky boys reckon it's a migraine, in which case he is in trouble, because they are vicious beasts. Sir Ian Botham refers to having a migraine during a match in India. "Are you sure it was a migraine?" deadpans Nasser Hussain. The third umpire has apparently confirmed that it's a migraine.13th over: England 48-3 (Bell 2, Collingwood 0) The good news for England is that Shoaib Akhtar is going off. The bad news is that Umar Gul is replacing him. He has 10 wickets in his last two games. He makes England sweat, sweat till they can't sweat no more. His first over, to Bell, is a maiden – and that means have scored five runs from the last five overs for the last of two wickets. "A fabulous Freudian slip there in the 10th over – 'the same bloke of flats' – which shows you really think all men should be blokes, live in the same surroundings and be sports experts," says John Starbuck. "You couldn't have done better if you were trying." For heaven's sake, I'm a disgrace. Form an orderly one, ladies.12th over: England 48-3 (Bell 2, Collingwood 0) Hafeez continues. England look shell-shocked. They know the walls are closing in and they haven't got a clue what to do about it. One single from the over, and Hafeez's figures are 3-1-5-1. "Panesar!" says rondowntheshed@provider.com. "A Jarvis/Taylor moment here. Can't bat, can't field, 52 wickets in Div. 2. Still we're very grateful for anybody who keeps England's entirely disreputable spinning coach away from our Adil!" Nah, I'm with Lord Selvey on this. If Swann injures his spinning finger Tweeting on Boxing Day morning, Panesar is the only man who can come in as a single spinner. England have already bungled Rashid's development a little bit. To then give him his Test debut in an Ashes series would be madness.11th over: England 47-3 (Bell 1, Collingwood 0) Umar Akmal is right in Paul Collingwood's face as he walks to the crease, and the two exchange unpleasantries. Shoaib almost slips a full, straight, 94mph delivery through Collingwood. He has bowled marvellously today – faster (scarcely anything has been below 90mph) and more accurate than at any time in the series). "Not sure which is the most pathetic," says Andrew Stroud. "You be the judge: Miss Marmite; Julienne Bravo; A Touch of Frosting; Hercule Potroast."WICKET! England 47-3 (Strauss c K Akmal b Shoaib 25) Another one for Shoaib, and Pakistan are savaging England like cornered you-know-whats. That one was slanted across Strauss, who had to play and pushed a little nervously; it flew to the left of Kamran Akmal, who took a very good diving catch. "Shoaib's the man!" shouts Nasser Hussain. Even for those who care about the England cricket team, this is utterly exhilarating. Only Pakistan can do this, in any sport.10th over: England 46-2 (Strauss 25, Bell 0) Hafeez is back into the attack. Strauss must decide whether to stick or twist – given the middle order, he probably feels he needs to bat through – and there's a disgracefully fervent appeal for LBW when Strauss, sweeping, is hit on the pad by a delivery that pitches miles outside leg. Still, a very good over from Hafeez, the first maiden of the innings. England have two chances of winning this game, and slim has just bought a one-way ticket to the other side of the world. "I met Gary Naylor for the first time yesterday," says John Mackay. "I can confirm to other OBOers (though not yourself obviously) that he has the pallor of a man who sits in a hollowed-out volcano, watching 10 simultaneous sportscasts from around the world, whilst a multitude of super computers spew out endless reams of statistics to keep him on an even keel. He's on a plane to Baku right now and I do hope the person he's sat beside is interested in Lancashire CCC's results at Liverpool, Blackpool and Southport over the past four decades. He also told me I live in the same block of flats as Guardian football super-brain, Jonathan Wilson. A fact that got me more excited than it really ought to have." Really? That means you're living in the same bloke of flats as me – a fact that shouldn't and won't get you at all excited – but only for another 19 hours. As for Naylor, he's a remarkable, brilliant and – mercifully – unique man.9th over: England 46-2 (Strauss 25, Bell 0) An inside-edge saves Bell from a huge LBW shout first ball. This is blistering stuff. When Pakistan are on a roll they have a force that cannot be contained, and England are in serious trouble here. "Coq au Vin der Valk," offers Neill Halliday.WICKET! England 46-2 (Trott b Shoaib 3) Magnificent stuff from Shoaib Akhtar! He has just swung a full-length beauty through the gate to bowl Trott all ends up. We have seen that so many times in his career, and it never gets boring: it pitched outside off and, as Trott shaped for the drive, roared between bat and pad to smash into off and middle stumps. Sensational cricket, and the Pakistan fans are going wild.8th over: England 43-1 (Strauss 23, Trott 2) Having taken a wicket in his first over, Hafeez is surprisingly replaced by Razzaq. Strauss gives him the charge and mows a beastly six over midwicket. What a shot! Even a year ago we could not have conceived Andrew Strauss playing a shot like that. It is, as Nasser Hussain tells us on Sky, his 22nd ODI six – and 13 of them have come this season. He deserves enormous credit for changing his game so much so late in his career. There's hope for us all. Well, except me and you. "Have you seen the recent South African cricket squad?" says Martin Kane. "There are some names to conjure with there, especially in the Twenty20 line-up. Loots Bosman who appears to have walked off the set of Pirates of the Caribbean, Heino Kuhn who sounds like a Jedi Knight and Rusty Theron, who is clearly a porn star. I hope the mundanely named Colin Ingram doesn't develop an inferiority complex."7th over: England 35-1 (Strauss 16, Trott 1) Strauss times Shoaib pleasantly through the covers for a couple but is then twice by excellent deliveries. He has bowled really well so far and has figures of 4-0-13-0. "Sorry for this," says Edd Thompson. "Dalziel and Pastie?"6th over: England 33-1 (Strauss 14, Trott 1) The peacekeeping visionary, Jonathan Trott, is booed to the crease by the Pakistan fans. "Diagnosis: Madras," says Richard Marsden, deftly ignoring the fact that 'Madras' and 'murder' do not sound remotely alike.WICKET! England 31-1 (Davies st Akmal b Hafeez 17) It will indeed be the offspinner Hafeez, who hurried through seven overs for only 27 at Lord's on Monday. This is a fascinating move from Shahid Afridi – and a successful one. Davies comes down the track to the fourth delivery, looking to drive it over mid-on, but is beaten by some sharp turn and Kamran Akmal does the rest. That's a very good wicket for Pakistan, and a worry for England because Pakistan have three spinners to their one.5th over: England 29-0 (Strauss 12, Davies 16) A decent over from Shoaib costs only three, and already the art-time offspinner Mohammad Hafeez is getting loose. "Magnum, PIE," says Peter Hill. "No, you're welcome." This riff is rubbish. Next!4th over: England 26-0 (Strauss 10, Davies 15) Another delightful boundary from Davies, this time a pushed drive through the covers off Razzaq. Two balls later he flicks another boundary extravagantly to fine leg. I like the cut of Davies's jib with the bat. It's a good start from England, and this partnership is so important in view of the middle order's sudden frailty. "Tonight I'm going for an Indian," says Sam Hedges, "starting with sa-Morse-as, followed by a vinda-Lewis. What have you started?!" The worst riff ever, obviously. Anyway, it's not my fault. Robin Williams told me.3rd over: England 16-0 (Strauss 9, Davies 6) A delicious shot from Davies, who pings Shoaib's second ball over the pads and through midwicket for four. Shoaib responds with another storming leg-cutter that beats Davies. In other news, Ladbrokes seem to think that Bresnan will be picked ahead of Tremlett. I don't like that at all. Surely England need a tall bowler as back up for Broad and Finn? Bumble says he thinks Tremlett is "nailed on". I don't know what to believe anymore; it's all too much. "Kojacket potatoes," says Chris Wright. I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry or stop trying to fight fate and order the Kojak boxset. Only £11.99 for season one...2nd over: England 10-0 (Strauss 9, Davies 0) Abdul Razzaq's first ball is on the pads and worked crisply through midwicket for four by Strauss, and the last ball is driven pleasantly down the ground for another boundary. "At the risk of giving him the almighty kiss of death today, did anyone else see Ian Bell's 107 at Lord's last saturday?" says Nik Huggins. "I was there and I have to say it was one of the finest one-day knocks I've ever witnessed! He looked head and shoulders better than the rest of them, even Trott. Has I-RON turned the corner?" Did you watch his innings the other night? (But, yes, Saturday was an immense performance, although I wouldn't say it was one of the greatest one-day innings I've seen.)1st over: England 2-0 (Strauss 1, Davies 0) What a start to the game: Shoaib Akhtar's first ball jags back from a length to smack Strauss right in the gut. "What's this?!" shouts Bumble in the Sky box. His second ball is ludicrously called wide by Billy Doctrove, and his third beats Strauss on the inside. Strauss then gets off the mark with a touch to leg. Davies is then beaten by a snorting 93mph leg-cutter. There's a pretty beery atmosphere at the Rose Bowl: I blame Jonathan Wilson, who went down there this morning armed with 54 crates of Sledging Facilitator. "Did you know," begins Melanie Brown, "that detective dramas on ITV3 are sponsored by Birds Eye ready meals for one?" How did you kn- who gave you my Sky Plus lis- CAN SOMEONE RECORD LEWIS FOR ME AT 10PM TONIGHT?!!!! (Actually, please do nominate your worst detective/ready meal puns. The naffer, the better. Hercule Poirotst. Bergerac of lamb. The winner receives absolutely nothing – not even the misplaced surge of pride we ordinarily award in these situations – but don't let that stop you.)2.28pm It's a glorious autumn day in Southampton, and here come the batsmen. Finally this never-ending summer of cricket is actually going to end.The Ashes squad Lord Selvey has spoken. I haven't had time to read the piece yet but I agree with the 16. There aren't any other serious candidates, are there? Besides, all the reserves will be in Perth, so the announcement of a touring party has lost almost all of the excitement of old. I still remember where I was when I spluttered "WHAT THE EFF?" upon hearing that Pauls Taylor and Jarvis had been picked to tour India in 1992-93, and that the flipperphobic Richard Blakey had been preferred to Jack Russell.The stats they're all talking about in the Guardian canteen (when they're not waiting for their turn to speak)1. England have never lost a one-day series after being two matches ahead (they have drawn three from such a position, all overseas, in 1987-88, 1992-93 and 1996-97).2. Pakistan have not won a one-day series in England since 1974.3. When England chase and win an ODI, Eoin Morgan averages 84.83; when they chase and lose, he averages 22.87. In other words, there is far too much pressure on him – and, as we have seen in the last two games, that pressure is starting to tell a little. England need to look after their golden goose. (Not that it matters today, as they're batting first, but it's a good stat so what's your problem?)Team news Luke Wright comes in for Mike Yardy, who is unwell (and who, let's be honest, had started to struggle a wee bit). Paul Collingwood survives despite looking like he doesn't know which end of the bat to hold, or indeed what a bat is. Or what his own name is.Pakistan are unchanged, which means we'll get to see Shoaib Akhtar one last time. Never forget how good he has been. He isn't fully fit but, whereas Yardy is unwell, Shoaib simply has the battle fever.England Strauss (c), Davies (wk), Trott, Bell, Collingwood, Morgan, Wright, Bresnan, Broad, Swann, Anderson.Pakistan Kamran Akmal (wk), Mohammad Hafeez, Asad Shafiq, Mohammad Yousuf, Umar Akmal, Fawad Alam, Shahid Afridi, Abdul Razzaq, Umar Gul, Saeed Ajmal, Shoaib Akhtar.England win the toss and bat first. That's a really important toss given England's difficulties chasing under lights in the last two games. That said, it's not a role with which England are especially familiar: only four of their last 16 ODI victories have come batting first, and two of those were gimmes against Bangladesh.Preamble Hello. I could write a preamble that would skilfully draw together every single strand of this match, but I'm afraid our tools don't support 9994-word preambles. Besides, unless you've spent the last couple of weeks trying to find your way out of Statsguru, or on your honeymoon in Croatia, you'll know the rough story of a series that has inadvertently given 50-over cricket the kiss of life.Admittedly that kiss has been facilitated by some of the most repugnant breath imaginable, but it has still given this series an animation that it would otherwise have lacked. And I don't know about you, but they're putting the holes in I can't remember the last time I so looked forward to a 50-over match. This match has an edge and an enmity that is unique to cricket matches between England and Pakistan, and not even a palpably antiquated format and a nagging sense that cricket is the loser whatever happens today is going to get in the way of our excitement!England v Pakistan 2010England cricket teamPakistan cricket teamCricketRob Smythguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Mets fire Manuel and Minaya By HOWIE RUMBERG 2010-10-04T16:30:33ZNEW YORK (AP) -- The New York Mets fired manager Jerry Manuel and general manager Omar Minaya on Monday, an expected shake-up of the big-spending ballclub after its second straight losing season.... hosted.ap.org |
Commonwealth Games 2010: Penalties cost Vijender Singh place in final • England's Anthony Ogogo edges middleweight favourite• Five gold medals up for grabs for England's boxersThere was a sense of shock and scandal at the boxing arena tonight. The Indian national pin-up Vijender Singh lost in the semi-finals to England's Anthony Ogogo. Singh is the No1 ranked amateur middleweight in the world, and one of the biggest names at these Games. Ogogo failed to land a single scoring punch in the fight, but won 4-3 after the referee twice penalised Singh for fouls in the final round.As the bell went, the packed crowd of 2,500 rose to their feet and howled in furious protest at the result. Ogogo skipped up and down and blew them kisses. Singh's coach said afterwards that Indian Boxing Federation had lodged an appeal, arguing that Ogogo had also committed a foul but was not punished. Their case was rejected."He is the Indian Beckham," grinned Ogogo afterwards, "and I have proved to be his achilles heel. He was doing illegal things. You can't hold and you can't put your head down and you can't perform illegal moves, what he was doing was foulplay and he got penalised for it."Singh had been leading 1-0 after the first two rounds. The first two penalty points were awarded against him because he was holding Ogogo, and the second set came because he was pushing his opponent's head down.He was warned on both occasions. Not that that appeased the Indian fans. When Singh won the bronze at Beijing in 2008 he became the first Indian boxer to win an Olympic medal. Since then he has been awarded the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, the country's highest award for achievement in sport. His popularity skyrocketed after his appearances on a series of TV game shows.But then Ogogo knows a little about show business himself, having done a stretch on Big Brother back in 2008. "It was a shame the fight wasn't in a neutral place," he insisted with a grin, "because I'm sure I would have won it outright without the added points."I think plenty of right hands were going through, a few short hooks were getting in and they weren't registering on the scoreboard."There was already a lot of bad feeling about the English team among the home fans. Earlier in the day Liverpool's Tom Stalker had beaten another Indian, Jai Bhagwan, in the lightweight semi-finals. Again, Stalker benefited from two lots of penalty points, though he was also penalised himself for throwing a low blow.There were two more defeats for Indian boxers at the hands of a pair of Northern Irishmen. Paddy Barnes fought brilliantly to beat Amandeep Singh 5-0 in their flyweight semi-final, and Patrick Gallagher survived a frantic final round onslaught from Dilbag Singh in the welterweight semi.The only Indian boxer to make it through his semi was Suranjoy Singh, who beat Amir Khan's brother Haroon 9-3. For England Khan is the one who got away. He opted to box for Pakistan because he was disaffected with the English set-up. Disappointed as he was to lose, he said he had done what he came to Delhi to do."There's not one British boxer in my weight category that's going to get a medal now, so I think I've proved my point to the selectors. I'd love to see [the GB boxing head coach] Rob McCracken right now and say to him, 'Look, it's in your face now. I've got a medal and I should have got that medal for England'."McCracken will not be too bothered by that. Five of the boxers in his England team have made the finals. The light welterweight Bradley Saunders beat Mauritious' Louis Colin 10-7, and in the next division up Callum Smith won 4-3 against Carl Hield of the Bahamas, landing the winning blow with two seconds left on the clock.The heavyweight Simon Vallily had a walkover, after his opponent pulled out before the fight. The finals are all on Wednesday. One thing is certain – after what happened today, none of the English boxers should expect anything but boos and jeers from the crowd.Commonwealth Games 2010BoxingAndy Bullguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Bucks exercise option on Brandon Jennings' contract Milwaukee's option on Jennings for the 2011-12 season is worth about $2.5 million. Jennings was selected 10th in last year's NBA draft. He started ... rssfeeds.usatoday.com |